so that wasnt chicken after all
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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