yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
