im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
