Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
