I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
