But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So squirting runs in the family.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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