1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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