She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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