i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
