Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize