Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
This is my gift to your gina
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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