sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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