Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
