she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
