dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize