Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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