I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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