Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Randomize