i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
