I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
ttyl tear gas
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize