i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
