awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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