Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
