I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
