he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
