so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
