You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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