why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
