I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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