problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
