Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
