Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
