why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
