This girl is more easily done than said...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
