I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
