So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
