i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
