so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
