he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Your cock deserves a montage
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
