The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
