You smell like a Billy Joel song
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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