Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
