just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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