after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
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