I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
