The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
