My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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