pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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