I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
