i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
