I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
