Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
