I got chris browned last night
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
