So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
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