lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
