Duck Duck Cougar?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
