Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
