The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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