You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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