I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
