I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
