Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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