I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
