Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
