So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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