and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
