I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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