I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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